Burn-out syndrome

Twice in my life I have experienced a burn-out syndrome. What is a burn-out? The word speaks for itself, it means: burned out. Burned out, the fuel is used up, the battery has run down. 

And, what now to do? Get charged up again, recharge the battery, and go on again? Is that the solution? I did that with the first burn-out. The results were, that a few years later I found myself in a second burn-out.  After the first time I crashed I wanted to be as quickly as possible on my feet again, and to work and to participate again in the society. But that didn't work, I crashed again. So I had to do something else,

The second time when I reached  the bottom, and when I found myself again as a run down battery ~this is how it feels~ I choosed another path as the first time. At the first time I choosed the regular path, the regular psychological medicine, like psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. I even was admitted into a psychiatric hospital, because of heavily depressions at that time.

At the second burn-out I choosed another path. Earlier I choosed the regular path. At that time I took a time of rest, but I did not learn anything. Because now, I found myself at the second time in this situation, and is was more serious as the first time, because the second time I couldn't do anything anymore, as only sleeping and crying. Again I found myself at the bottom.

It took months, before I could take a start with accepting the situation, that I for the moment it was better for me not to think about work, that it was better for me to let it go. And to make a start to figure out who I really was and what I wanted to do with my life. I had to stop with wanting that people should think about me as a nice, kind and loving person, and always to pleasure someone else. I had to love myself, and to think about myself as a nice, kind and loving person, and to pleasure myself. 

That burn-out created a situation, that I'll had to face this. I was so tired. I couldn't go on anymore. I could not participate anymore in society. I could not do normal  things as my work, contacs with other people, parties, all kind of earthly things that you usually do as human being, I could not do anymore. This intense tiredness that you can feel inside when you are experiencing a burn-out, is not describable. Every cell in your body feels not only tired, but worn out. You can sleep whole day long. But later I will give you a list of the symptoms of a burn-out. 

The advantage of this situation is, that finally now you can make a start to concentrate on yourself. You can't do anymore all kind of earthly things, you did before and that took your time. What you can do is lay down and close your eyes, and make a start with a travel inside, by feeling what is there inside of you. Wat do I meet. What do I want. Who am I. Other people have an opinion about me, or about what is good for me, but what do I really want for myself ? 

If you are in the centre of this process it seems as if the sun won't shine for you anymore. I felt as if I was a failure. But when I look back, I have discovered sides of myself, that I otherwise never should have seen, and this website is an example.

I tried to heal myself with the alternative treatments, such as I have discribed some of them in the chapter healing yourself.

Everything is in service of your personal growth. Even ( or just! ) that that seems to be negative. Also that is in service of the positive. It took a long time, before I could see, that it is an advantage to be at the bottom: there is just one way to go, and that is upwards!

© Anneke

to be continued........

 

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